1 AM thoughts

When I’m too busy punching walls,
screaming at empty, dim-lit halls,
you can’t tell me you feel the same;
I feel no love, you feel no shame.
Am I too selfish? Too unkind?
Too different to relate to these minds?
If that’s my sin, I already know.
I claim this struggle as my own undertow.
You can’t tell me that you’ve ignored
every high and this very low.
Draw my blood, this pain is my own.
Can’t do this unless I’m alone.
This sad song’s lasted immensely,
a melancholy melody.
I’m sorry I can’t love me,
and I’m sorry I can’t feign yours.
I’m sorry your affection does
not affect me at all.
I cannot speak of what I think
for every metaphor is a pit.
And the problem isn’t the tears,
the problem is that I’m stuck in a fucking hole in the ground.


7 thoughts on “1 AM thoughts

  1. psychopathsgetbored28 says:

    Is it strange if I say that this is really dark and I love it? Call me strange then – I am used to it anyway. Brilliant writing!
    I can very much relate to
    “I’m sorry I can’t love me,
    and I’m sorry I can’t feign yours.
    I’m sorry your affection does
    not affect me at all.”
    Thank you kindly.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kososheep says:

    Thank you so much. Would it also be odd to say that there’s a (I wouldn’t call it connection but something like that) I feel whenever someone enjoys/relates to my writing. Argh, connection is a bad word. I don’t know, eloquence? Purity? If you’re read “De Profundis”, it’s like the time Wilde describes a man bowing his head to him when he is in trial, or some similar trial situation. He finds such purity in how the lower classes describe someone in jail as simply someone who is “in trouble”. No prejudice, no assumptions. Just a sort of bond between between people, so faint and so general. Argh, what am I blabbing on about, I really appreciate this coming from you.

    Let there be more adumbration in all our work? (Chessy ending, I know.)

    But really, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • psychopathsgetbored28 says:

      I like the way your thought process works! It’s original – which is (mighty) rare these days.
      De Profundis, as heavy and heart-wrenching as it might be, is definitely one of my go-to reads. I remember reading that part.
      There’s this thing about work written in raw experience of situations…I think moreover it is that what creates a simple and pure bond. What’s the most important is to – feel the presence of something like that, which is what makes you write the way you do too. I really hope you will never lose it.
      I feel proud whenever I read your poems. (Now we’ve established that I am mental…hah.)
      I’ll always urge you to keep writing the way you do (and chattering too)
      Yes, let there be more adumbration in our work. You’re welcome. Take care!


      Liked by 1 person

      • Kososheep says:

        Absolutely true! Oscar Wilde sheds his skin and exposes it, wears it inside out. Okay, yes there IS the expression “heart on your sleeve” which is more poetic but it doesn’t really fit the situation here.
        I’m still not sure wether your blog is the online alter-ego of someone like Koontz or Murakami, if you’ve ever published any books of your own (i was just beating around the bush. Have you published any work?)
        Argh, listen to my ravings about the economically-named eloquence in this spit shower of a thought.
        I still a bit of that initial impression of you. I mean, everyone still claims a sort of friendship with their favorite book’s authors…but I’m still glad you followed me back
        I’d love for us to email sometime.
        – I’m not sure who to sign this as. I’ll need to think of a pen name. Thank you, again. And good night if we’re in the same time zone

        Liked by 1 person

      • psychopathsgetbored28 says:

        Your description is much more poetic than ‘Heart on your sleeve’ – that expression makes me uncannily uncomfortable too.
        Oscar Wilde was a man ahead of his time and I think that it’s brilliant that that was the case. Literature (especially the ones that people like us crave) has always demanded ignorance of commonplace, right?
        Comparing me to the likes of Koontz and Murakami…oh my, I am spellbindingly thankful but I am just another ‘another’ really – a nobody. I haven’t published a book.
        Like Pessoa says in his work – ‘The book of disquiet’ that he writes to stop thinking and finishes for the lack of courage to quit, that his book is his cowardice and I feel the same…my blog is my cowardice. It is what I am not, yet it is me in my purest form – if that makes sense, that is. If I am ever able to level my cowardice with courage I might write for publishing purposes. It seems like a far-fetched dream, as of now.
        You cannot beat me in blabbing now, can you? Ah.
        I truly feel honoured that I get to interact with a bright person like you! I always get to learn something.
        Sure, it’d be a pleasure. You can mail me at isthatablindbird@gmail.com.
        If it’s alright – can I call you Kross? That’s a part of your username now, I noticed.
        You can call me Light (totally took that from Death Note).


      • E.L.Kross says:

        Then we’ll continue this chat via email :). Yes, Kross is okay.

        Ignorant of the commonplace. I like that.
        Ah, if only I had the time right now…I have so much to say about Death Note.
        We’ll keep in touch. I’m currently trying to merge my email addresses to contact you via e_l_kross@yahoo.com
        You’ll hear from me. Take care!

        Liked by 1 person

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