What am I supposed to feel

Every paperback we handle.
Every riddle we untangle.
Every finish line we cross.
Every win and every loss.

Every time I pass me by.
Every time I meet my eyes.
Every time they stutter shut.
I don’t know how deep a cut.

Every limp we acquire.
Every climb to go higher.
Every stare of the blind.
Every lie of the kind.

Every prayer of luck.
Every Maslow step up.
Every new question mark
between silence and dark.

Every smile ricocheted.
Every brother elated.
Every sister we helped.
Every droplet we shed.

Every wall and roof.
Every joke and goof.
Every drink and high.
Every lingered cry.

Every distant woe.
Every restless glow.
Everything we’ve found.
Everyone we’ve crowned.

Every love we’ve sucked.
Everyone we’ve fucked.
Everything we’ve thrown.
Everything been worn.

Every shut eye attempt.
after a day well spent.
Every promise broken.
Every quirk we have stolen.

Every sunset we gazed at.
Every act of mine shamed at.
Every limp we have feigned.
Every price we have paid.

Every high snow.
Every low glow.
Every bile and sin.
Every distant kin.

Every luxury here.
Every goal and gear.
Every curtain we closed.
Every shameful dose.

Every sip we’ve taken.
Every bloody occasion.
Every border shaken
by spasmodic elation.

But I still do not know
if this is high or low.
I’ve a tendency to kneel.
I’ve a tendency to steal.

I don’t know what I feel.

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