steel framed heart

1.

When you first stepped
into my love,
your welcome party
had a warning sign.

Was an
“Are you sure?”
Was an
“I’m force meant to fly
& I’m stuck climbing.”

And when you said yes.
That you’ll take it,
you’ll come with me,
where-ever it is I’m going,
no matter how scrawny my legs,
how tired my wings.
No matter how little we see of the sky,
you’ll be there.

Mid-fall, we clutched to cliff-side rocks
and called it home.
Survival became our home.
I became your home.

Not like home-home,
but like shelter-home.
spending-all-our-daylight-in-city-square-home
& I-need-to-get-away-from-this-house-home.

2.

I asked you to stay.
You said yes.
Then I confessed,
there’s a reason this came to happen
so quickly.

I’ve been waiting.

I’m not hung up on my past,
it’s just that I’ve made my ceiling a doormat
& my heart is three walls.

I don’t know if three walls is welcoming,
or if three walls is a trap.

My throat
is a stairwell.

People have mistaken it
for an open door.

Make sure you don’t trek mud
but when you climb up,
you’ll see the attic.

It is full of boxes of who I used to be.

This storm once broke all my windows
so wind keeps blowing in.

And it’s not like I’m hung up on my past or anything,
it’s just that dust never seems to settle.

I still feel guilty about it,
but I asked you
to help me clean up.

You said yes.

Then, I became an apology.

But we called that counterproductive so
I never warned you again.

3.

You get home.
I’ve made muffins.

They have chocolate because you’re cute and I love you.

They’re vegan because animals are cute and I love them.

I sent a pic of it to my mom because she’s cute and I love her.

I posted it on instagram
&
it’s not that I have the weight of the world on my shoulders like this,
it’s just that sometimes I need to carry its approval.

And I’ll cheat out on my warning-sign rule the same way my mom sometimes adds butter to things without telling me,

darling. You should know that

4.

sometimes,

not matter how beautiful you write me in your words,
how masterpiece your hands carve – caress my skin,

no matter how often I am convinced,

still,

nothing makes me feel prettier than an empty stomach.

And no matter how many times we say yes,
all it takes is one no to bring this whole house down.

But for now,
I think we are still too busy building.

Please,
let’s not worry with the details
of the descriptions of our jobs.

I don’t want
either of us
to carry warning signs
in our throats.

Falling rock is
inevitable in this wind
& yes,
some of it we placed on the top
hoping for better weather.
I know you didn’t mean for it to shift.

Darling,
just help me build.

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